Honestly, why in the HELL are women so damn difficult, and almost impossible to understand, you meet a girl, she says she likes you, then she starts talking about this guy, and I mean, non stop, talking about this guy, you bring up the fact it upsets you, and yet, lo' and behold, she CONTINUES to talk about him, saying "It's alright, though, I'm not THAT into him" meaning "Yeah, I'd get with him, but you're here NOW, so he can wait a little." you tell her you really like her, which is met with the response "Okay." Okay? OKAY?! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT?! Anyway.. Things start picking up, she starts liking you too, you get to know each other better, tell the deepest, darkest secret of your life, that not even your PARENTS know, and then she lays it on you "I think I love you.." and then you say it back "I.. I think I love you too.." romance ensues.. Cuddling, holding hands, and the like, then you ask for a kiss, the moment is tense, will she say yes? If you're me, and you're reading what you're typing, you know the answer, if you're any girl I've ever dated, you also, know the answer, a big fat no, slaps you in the face, fact of life, your heart skips a beat, and you realize, you're just not what they want, you look down, and sigh, she hugs you, and says "I love you!" and you mumble "Mmm.. Love you too.." and pause, sigh, and hold her close, because it's better than not holding at all, you put your arms around her, and hold on tight, as if for dear life, you don't let her see how you really feel, until you get home.. That is.. Then you let out, on anyone and everyone, first, it's fake happy like "Yay! I spent time with her" then when the thoughts of "Why doesn't she love me.. Why doesn't she want me..." swirl through, you wonder to yourself, is it even worth going on.. You think and stare into your own eyes.. Don't ask how, you just.. Can.. Trust me.. If you're anyone I actually know, you CAN, you wonder why, she does the things she does, then she comes online, and says "HEY! ^^ I missed you!" though it's been about 20 minutes.. You respond "Yeah.. Missed you too babe.." she says "When can we see each other next" the thoughts coming through now "Maybe she'll kiss me this time.. I'm sure she will, she loves me, and misses me, this is it, we'll kiss, she loves me I know it!" you make arrangements, and she sees you, you spend hour upon hour, in each others arms, the touch of your bodies, warm, and close, a feeling you long for, when you're thinking those bad thoughts, parting time comes, once again, you ask for a kiss, this time you get a longer hug and a "Give me time.." and you kiss her neck, as she leaves you.. You get those thoughts, again "Why.. Why doesn't she like me the way I like her, why does she torment me, why does she say she loves me, and not mean it.." then you walk on home... Alone.. Parting ways.. The thoughts, getting stronger, every day, you start up your console, with the game she lent you, every minute of the game, you think of her, and how you feel for her, you start playing the game, realizing just how much the main character is like you, and just how much the girl with him, is like her.. It hurts.. You wonder how the characters can do it.. And then you speak to her.. Sudden happiness fills you, just to see her type, then she asks how you are, your only response is "I missed you.." to which, she of course says "And I you." you cringe at it, but smile, knowing a person from reality has missed you, in these past 20 minutes.. You stupidly ask "When can I see you next.. I want to hold you.." she says "Tomorrow, I'm free, we can meet? If you want." you hastily agree, disregarding any pain, the chance that her holding you, will cure it, and though it does, the pain after, is sure to follow, undoubtedly, just like the ebb and flow of the ocean.. She asks what's the matter, and why you're pausing.. You say "It's alright, nothing I can't handle..." you pause and say "With you in my life.." and she nags, for a second, before realizing what you've said, she smiles, or you can only imagine, as it's text, and not actual words, or physical contact, at this point, you spend the night, speaking to her, smelling her, imagining how she feels, you go to bed... Alone, she calls you, in the morning "You're late.. Come see me.." you go to see her, at this point, people who're still reading, and I guarantee, that's VERY few.. Are reading this thinking "Hmm, He's about to say they're splitting" no, I'm not, you go over, you see her, and she grabs your hand, and pulls you into the tightest hug you've had.. Well, in your life, if you're me, you look into her eyes, and can't help but to smile, you see how she feels, despite what you believe, and you can't help but hold her close, you pull her up to you, and you kiss her neck, over, and over, just... Wanting her warm flesh against you, the fact you walked to her in the rain, seems to make her worry, though you say you'll be fine, it's just a bit of rain, you let out a cough, that's been pestering you for months, and she's been nagging at you to get checked, you say you'll live, and that it's just a cough, though you know it could be more, you hold her close, and rub her back, then turn her to face your friend, holding her from behind, so you can kiss the back of her neck, and rub her stomach, she drags your hand, and places it upon her chest, you take it away, saying nothing, she drags BOTH hands, this time, your pulse quickening, you know what she's doing, you refuse, again, you change subject, and the assistant manager, your friend, asks you to do him a favour, you jump at it, the tension from her moving your hands, is growing rapidly, and you feel you'd do most anything to take a break from it, because it's not what you want to do, you take his money, he says "Buy yourself something with the change" keep in mind, the first time you touched this girl it took you 4 hours, of convincing, and 3 hours of haggling, to get one hug, once that one hug, happened, she didn't seem to want to let you go, at all, sorry for the flashback, I felt it was relevant, just to let you know, why you'd be hesitant to grab her breasts, in public, you go and get him his drink, if I forgot to mention that's what he asked for, I appologize, but I'm lost in thought, and music, you buy yourself a drink, with your own money, and she buys hers, with her money, you give him his drink, and change, when you get back, then the cuddling begins, once more, again, from behind, it seems to be how you like it, and clearly, how she likes it, you accidentally knock glasses with her, and she appologizes, you also appologize, and you both say it's okay, and cuddle, you kiss her neck, wherever and whenever possible, the soft warm flesh, not something you've ever really felt against your cold, hard, dry unloved lips, she turns to you, then tilts her head back, revealing her entire neck, you kiss it, where possible without it being awkward, and she takes your hands.. Again.. To her chest, you take them away, and move them to her thighs, still not entire comfortable for you.. As this is your first experience with a girl.. You gently rub her thighs, and then move up to her stomach, hoping she's forgotten her breasts exist.. Unlikely.. She grabs your hand you reluctantly move it to where she wants, thankfully, it's her stomach, just in her hands, fingers interlocked, she moves your hands up to her chest, and your friend says he wants to go on a 15 minute lunch break, by the way, by this time, you've been cuddling her and kissing her neck, for roughly 2 hours.. So you don't mind taking a break, she puts her arm around your waste, resting it on your hip, you take your hand, and gently caress the side of her neck, opposite to the side she's holding on you, for those of you who're unfamiliar, I'm uncomfortable with people on my left side, I like them walking on my right, so her left hand, was on my left hip, sorry for the interruption, you both head into, yes, I know, lame, but, K-mart, you take a look around, all you can talk about is your mother? Why.. What possible good could come of speaking of your mother.. Maybe not having to grip her breasts, it works, while walking around with her, you take a look through the store, both agree it's an enormous waste of time, and spot your ass. Manager friend, on the cover of a game (No, not really him, more of an "effigy" of sorts) and you laugh, you leave the store, and head back to your friend, who's serving customers, she grabs your hands, and places them on her breasts, tired of arguing, you go along, and hold them, she moves your hands, without words saying "Massage them" you do, not entirely willingly.. You eventually grow used to the feel, and the fact she's actually wanting your hands on them, you squeeze, gently, you tickle them, and you ask her if she's okay with it, over and over, you take one hand, and place it between her thighs, she doesn't entirely object, but does slightly, you tell her that if she wants something moved, she has the right to move it, you're not used to a girl being interested, let alone this open with her body.. Your hand gets moved, ever so slightly outward, from her inner thigh, though.. With this slight freedom to almost roam her body.. You tickle with your thumb, that's when she brings it up to her boobs, seemingly more calm with boobs, than any other part being touched, oh, and your hand was slapped, for trying to enter her back pocket.. But she allows the boob touching.. You find this odd, you kiss her neck, and smell her hair, hours pass, with you two, holding, moving, rubbing.. You walk her home, ask for a kiss, the best you get, is, you get to kiss her on the neck, three times, and you get to kiss her once, on the cheek, and she kisses your cheek, Awkwardly, you amble off, and the thoughts, flood through you once more, like a noisy chorus, all trying to get it's point across, in the same tone, at the same speed, in the same way as before, only.. SO much louder.. "Why.. Why won't she kiss me.. Did I do something wrong rejecting her advances to make me touch her..?" You can't think of what could have gone wrong, you sign in to MSN, she's already on, most likely has been for some time, now, as you not only wandered, you can't remember what you did, but you did do things.. And don't remember.. You talk to her, and she says she missed you, it would be a lie, to say you didn't, you say you love her, she says she loves you too, you talk, for hours on end, you talk, and talk, about love, and relationships, then the argument starts, this is where people go "Oh no!! They split!" but you must hear the end, before I can ruin it, you argue, and argue, she says she won't kiss you, because she wants to take it slow, you point out that all your friends, say kissing should come before groping, and that most of your friends, have labelled you a pervert, for groping her, she doesn't seem to pay it any heed, though you make very valid points, you know hers, is equally valid, she then makes a mistake you wish she hadn't she says "I just don't want it to be like the others.. I'm really in love with you" which is when you say *sigh* because nothing else seems to want to come from your fingertips.. She then says "I'm just.. Used to being touched like that.. Because of all the others.." Which makes you boil.. You say "But you don't want me to be like them" you make multiple, VERY clear, VERY correct arguments, yet, she shoots them all down with "I just don't want it to be the same as them" she then adds "I really like you, and don't want to rush" the only thoughts going through your head, at this point are "Kill me" "Hurts.." and "Then why make me grab your boobs.." you accidentally, and regrettably say the last one... followed by the other two, in reverse order... Making yourself seem the total fool, and feel a complete tool.. You say you love her, she says she loves you, you say some stupid, hurtful things, and you neglect yourself the one thing that makes you feel.. And that's the sense of touch.. The thing.. That makes you feel.. She says "I want to see you tomorrow" you say "Yeah, whatever, but we aren't touching, that'd be rushing it" you wish you could take back every word.. You wish it could all not be said, but you know what you feel, is real, and what you think, is starting to take a hold, you really are hurt, by her actions, and you really wish you could do it all over, and start the day fresh, but it's much to late for that, you'll have to do your best, some other time, you can still smell her, whenever you breathe, her intoxicating aroma, fills your nostrils, as you breathe, you love every moment because you feel as though you're with her, without all the things that make her leaving hurt.. Then you think of how you acted.. And you hate yourself, just a little more, and the first thing that comes to mind, is a quote, from the show "Farscape" where two blue monkey aliens, are trying to rob a diner, their favourite line being " *Snort squeal* RAAAARRRGHH!! WHY SO DIFFICUUUULT!!" And trust me, they say this, alot, and it just repeats, and repeats, you can't find any good music, then you remember your favourite movie, Blade, so you find the songs, from it, and you put them on, and talk to people about your problems.. No matter how they try, they don't help, nor do they understand.. You wish you could just.. SHOW them.. But it's impossible, brain scanning technology is only available to monsters.
I think I've said enough.. In this epic tale of woe.. Hope you all enjoy, and please, no offensive comments, my friends read this, and it's really embarassing that you people leave comments, trying to troll me, it makes you all look like total fools, you ought to look at yourself, and grow up.
Good day, in a way.
Neutral
btw, I'm not having an emo fit, I'm actually happy, while writing this, so whatever. 
(Still better than Santa >.>
